I am nervous...for no reason, but nervous....and this week-end looks like a pretty boring one...I miss almost everything I got a year ago...and the few good new things I have got are definitely not enough...
Mr. Berlusconi is still able to tell so many bullshits in one hour...amazing...I guess he has no contender in this special field...
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
they tell us all the time that change is the answer, but there are moments in our life when we should feel/realize that we have all you want ...why then not taking things for what they wonderfully are, damned....why why why...???
Because we are afraid of once-for-all choices.........alternative, open, brand new, doomed, replacable, limited in time...all these adjectives are very popular and over rated nowadays, think about it...apparently we do have to think that everything can be better, all the time...I would like to hear, at least once from time to time, that we are not - fortunately - gonna live forever; that the best, maybe, is yet to come but that the best is not the absolute, is not the fucking dream that comes true...
Decisions should be taken, risks should be taken too!...once in a lifetime speeches should be screamed...and honesty should play the main role on the fucking stage of everybody´s own life...
Please, let us stop thinking that there will always be something better, cooler or whatever you say...
Because it is true that there it could be, but at the same time that is NOT gonna happen, ever...because the best is just what we have in this fucking, actual, tough - but real - life and not something sponsored by mastercard rather than easy jet...
The dream should be to do our best and not to expect the best from the universe, damned you kids born with Nutella, Barbie/Kenn and Coca Cola....
I wish to all of you to feel expirable for a second...it helps landing back on this planet...
Because we are afraid of once-for-all choices.........alternative, open, brand new, doomed, replacable, limited in time...all these adjectives are very popular and over rated nowadays, think about it...apparently we do have to think that everything can be better, all the time...I would like to hear, at least once from time to time, that we are not - fortunately - gonna live forever; that the best, maybe, is yet to come but that the best is not the absolute, is not the fucking dream that comes true...
Decisions should be taken, risks should be taken too!...once in a lifetime speeches should be screamed...and honesty should play the main role on the fucking stage of everybody´s own life...
Please, let us stop thinking that there will always be something better, cooler or whatever you say...
Because it is true that there it could be, but at the same time that is NOT gonna happen, ever...because the best is just what we have in this fucking, actual, tough - but real - life and not something sponsored by mastercard rather than easy jet...
The dream should be to do our best and not to expect the best from the universe, damned you kids born with Nutella, Barbie/Kenn and Coca Cola....
I wish to all of you to feel expirable for a second...it helps landing back on this planet...
Monday, February 25, 2008
Unkoordinierte Gedanken
Three weeks ago I left them on the table of a bar, just like that...did not realize I had lost them until it was two in the morning...I had to sleep at the restaurant...
Two weeks ago I left them home, but at least this time I thought about it all of the sudden...could not do anything, though since I had to go to work...but fortunately I met a girl that evening and spent the night at her place...
Today I left them home, once more: only when I went back from shopping I noticed my keys were not in my pocket...
I learnt to open my door without them (it is easier than you think, as long as your door is old-fashioned) and also to leave a copy in a safe place somewhere else...at least that, no?
Where is my mind?
Two weeks ago I left them home, but at least this time I thought about it all of the sudden...could not do anything, though since I had to go to work...but fortunately I met a girl that evening and spent the night at her place...
Today I left them home, once more: only when I went back from shopping I noticed my keys were not in my pocket...
I learnt to open my door without them (it is easier than you think, as long as your door is old-fashioned) and also to leave a copy in a safe place somewhere else...at least that, no?
Where is my mind?
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
feathers, strings, whiskers...no focus...
When as a kid it happened to me to feel lonesome, I was sure that i could talk with my pillow: I talked for hours, i was sure that it could listen and keep my thoughts for the best...I am not sure I still have the same one, though i still have one with feathers...it is unlikely that it is the same...
When I grew up a bit, I started thinking that I could do the same with my guitar, which I was playing so much that it could have even made sense...it got a name, but no clear personality, unfortunately...
After the guitar came the cats: first mine then my girlfriend´s, this last one being the most relaxed creature of the planet...that is why I thought it could be a good listener...may he was...for sure not a good advisor...
In the last years I lost confidence in this kind of confessions, and though you could think that it is better so, I strongly doubt about it...Right now I am looking all around in my room, while listening the National from 2005, considering which object should be next...or should I get another cat?
That is the reason why since months I am having a conversation with myself: it is mostly a try to get some questions answered, always the same few in the end; it usually starts early in the morning, experiences a couple of long breaks during the day due to work or reading/studying, keeps on till late at night...yesterday I was so into the conversation while having sex...scaring.
It seems my mind is still floating somewhere else as my immanent reality, for most of the time it tries to function properly...
I am going to Budapest for work between the 18th and the 2oth of April...if anybody wants an apartment in Berlin for a week-end in spring, just let me know.
When I grew up a bit, I started thinking that I could do the same with my guitar, which I was playing so much that it could have even made sense...it got a name, but no clear personality, unfortunately...
After the guitar came the cats: first mine then my girlfriend´s, this last one being the most relaxed creature of the planet...that is why I thought it could be a good listener...may he was...for sure not a good advisor...
In the last years I lost confidence in this kind of confessions, and though you could think that it is better so, I strongly doubt about it...Right now I am looking all around in my room, while listening the National from 2005, considering which object should be next...or should I get another cat?
That is the reason why since months I am having a conversation with myself: it is mostly a try to get some questions answered, always the same few in the end; it usually starts early in the morning, experiences a couple of long breaks during the day due to work or reading/studying, keeps on till late at night...yesterday I was so into the conversation while having sex...scaring.
It seems my mind is still floating somewhere else as my immanent reality, for most of the time it tries to function properly...
I am going to Budapest for work between the 18th and the 2oth of April...if anybody wants an apartment in Berlin for a week-end in spring, just let me know.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Our new Master Programme in European Studies: ONLINE!
A 2-year master programme starts in September 2008. If you are interested or think somebody you know could be, please forward this link.
We have candies and chocolate bars waiting for you, if you help us!
We have candies and chocolate bars waiting for you, if you help us!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A couple of thoughts and a playlist
1. We all read in the news how women are still victims of violence, and not just in Sudan rather than in Pakistan...
The more I spend time along with them, the more I realize how many suffer from some form of violence.
Out of the three women I have been truly in love with, two suffered from violence - and not because of me, obviously (!).
In both cases it has NOT just been a slap in the face...
The number of other girls/friends of mine that have been victims of violence is huge...I guess more than an handful, and the more I spend time with friends, the more I find out about new disgusting stories...
So while I was walking in Prenzlauer Berg at five in the morning, right after having heard about the next bad story, I asked myself why on earth it is like that....and could not come out with any explanation but that the percentage of male motherfuckers in this planet is pretty high...are women in some ways exaggerating? I would not think so...
2.EU is so a bad example on how an international organization should manage its foreign policy...whether this decision of free choice for the recognition of Kosova is a wise move or not, we will probably find out in a week...whether there may have been another viable option, I am not sure...but with Spain and Romania (the 2 countries representing a seventh of the EU population) refusing the recognition, while France and Germany do, does not sound good news at all for the incoming Common Foreign Policy of the "renewed" EU...
3. The conservative vicepresident of the European Commission, Mr. Frattini, has a plan to create a pretty selective system for letting people in the EU; he also pushes for a database of migrants coming to EU...in Germany people and newspapers discussed about the plan, critizising the intellectual basis of it too...I would say it is not the best side of the EU, this one which is coming out...and when it does come from a close friend of Mr. Berlusconi is even worse.
4.Barry Adamson - Oedipus Schmoedipus
Laury Hill - Ms Hill
Thom Yorke - Complete Eraser Remixes.
Baby Dee - Safe Inside the Day
Sixteen Horsepower - Olden
Sixteen Horsepower - Folklore
The more I spend time along with them, the more I realize how many suffer from some form of violence.
Out of the three women I have been truly in love with, two suffered from violence - and not because of me, obviously (!).
In both cases it has NOT just been a slap in the face...
The number of other girls/friends of mine that have been victims of violence is huge...I guess more than an handful, and the more I spend time with friends, the more I find out about new disgusting stories...
So while I was walking in Prenzlauer Berg at five in the morning, right after having heard about the next bad story, I asked myself why on earth it is like that....and could not come out with any explanation but that the percentage of male motherfuckers in this planet is pretty high...are women in some ways exaggerating? I would not think so...
2.EU is so a bad example on how an international organization should manage its foreign policy...whether this decision of free choice for the recognition of Kosova is a wise move or not, we will probably find out in a week...whether there may have been another viable option, I am not sure...but with Spain and Romania (the 2 countries representing a seventh of the EU population) refusing the recognition, while France and Germany do, does not sound good news at all for the incoming Common Foreign Policy of the "renewed" EU...
3. The conservative vicepresident of the European Commission, Mr. Frattini, has a plan to create a pretty selective system for letting people in the EU; he also pushes for a database of migrants coming to EU...in Germany people and newspapers discussed about the plan, critizising the intellectual basis of it too...I would say it is not the best side of the EU, this one which is coming out...and when it does come from a close friend of Mr. Berlusconi is even worse.
4.Barry Adamson - Oedipus Schmoedipus
Laury Hill - Ms Hill
Thom Yorke - Complete Eraser Remixes.
Baby Dee - Safe Inside the Day
Sixteen Horsepower - Olden
Sixteen Horsepower - Folklore
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Old same story
The population of our western societies is growing older and older, and somehow there is no way to doubt that this trend shall magnify its effects in the next future.
I work in the very western side of Berlin twice a week: it looks like Maine or Wales somehow - even if I have never been in either place; this part of the city is the one that became rich after the war in a kind of fast way...nowadays next to the several embassies which grew up there in the early fifties, you see old people all over the place...centers where old people can go to live, advertisement of theatre shows that no twenty-five-years-old-person would ever dare to attend; cafés and restaurants looking fake and boring...post offices with cheesy and awefull (not even cheap!) greetings card...
Is it a positive phenomenon the one through which we are all growing older and older?
Do not get me wrong....
If the average life expectancy in Zimbabwe will eventually rise from its actual 35 years (that is a scandal and a tragedy of our times!), I will be very very happy.
But if Großvater Scholz keeps on growing older and older, more and more lonesome, more and more fixed upon his crazy ideas and believes, more and more aside from what is happening all around him until his early nineties, who is going to enjoy that? If Frau Scheidl will live until her 95, eating only saltless vegetables and tofu curry wurst, alone, angry and bitter with her family or with the memories of it, who can actually say that this is plus?
Is it good that our brain will turn into a tired and overstretched machine that has to control over a body which will still be fit in relation to that? Is it worth to get through painful treatments and deeply intrusive surgery, if the absolute difference is some more months spent on a rolling chair?
Is it not unreal and hypocritical the rhetoric of our government over "development", though combined with the apology of the elderly?
Somebody could tell me:"Well, Marco, the longer the better"...is this belief one of the new absolute of our Western morals?
I am not sure that if these people would look at themselves, they would agree with that...in the mass of old people from Berlin and from Venice, from Weimar and from Munich try, you guys, to have a look at their eyes (grey, empty, flat), to measure their patience with the rest of humanity, their loud pessimism, their inability to be on the street, see a child and just smile...it is probably bitter and progressively limiting to grow older; it is usually also very painful and full of losses (phisical, relational, mental, moral)...why do we keep on telling ourselves the story that the third (or fourth) age is a golden period of our lives? Are the first two so bad? Or is it just the last of a series of lies-that-let-us(them)-live-better?
I do think about it and wonder...
I work in the very western side of Berlin twice a week: it looks like Maine or Wales somehow - even if I have never been in either place; this part of the city is the one that became rich after the war in a kind of fast way...nowadays next to the several embassies which grew up there in the early fifties, you see old people all over the place...centers where old people can go to live, advertisement of theatre shows that no twenty-five-years-old-person would ever dare to attend; cafés and restaurants looking fake and boring...post offices with cheesy and awefull (not even cheap!) greetings card...
Is it a positive phenomenon the one through which we are all growing older and older?
Do not get me wrong....
If the average life expectancy in Zimbabwe will eventually rise from its actual 35 years (that is a scandal and a tragedy of our times!), I will be very very happy.
But if Großvater Scholz keeps on growing older and older, more and more lonesome, more and more fixed upon his crazy ideas and believes, more and more aside from what is happening all around him until his early nineties, who is going to enjoy that? If Frau Scheidl will live until her 95, eating only saltless vegetables and tofu curry wurst, alone, angry and bitter with her family or with the memories of it, who can actually say that this is plus?
Is it good that our brain will turn into a tired and overstretched machine that has to control over a body which will still be fit in relation to that? Is it worth to get through painful treatments and deeply intrusive surgery, if the absolute difference is some more months spent on a rolling chair?
Is it not unreal and hypocritical the rhetoric of our government over "development", though combined with the apology of the elderly?
Somebody could tell me:"Well, Marco, the longer the better"...is this belief one of the new absolute of our Western morals?
I am not sure that if these people would look at themselves, they would agree with that...in the mass of old people from Berlin and from Venice, from Weimar and from Munich try, you guys, to have a look at their eyes (grey, empty, flat), to measure their patience with the rest of humanity, their loud pessimism, their inability to be on the street, see a child and just smile...it is probably bitter and progressively limiting to grow older; it is usually also very painful and full of losses (phisical, relational, mental, moral)...why do we keep on telling ourselves the story that the third (or fourth) age is a golden period of our lives? Are the first two so bad? Or is it just the last of a series of lies-that-let-us(them)-live-better?
I do think about it and wonder...
New discoveries on the side of global sad music: as if Morricone had written rock songs
The Sweetest Embrace
Barry Adamson and Nick Cave
Our time is done my love
We've laid it all to waste
One thousand moonlit kisses
can't sweeten this bitter taste
My desire for you is endless
and I'll love you 'till we fall
I just don't want you no more
and that's the sweetest embrace of all
To think we can find happiness
hidden in a kiss
Ah, to think we can find happiness
that's the greatest mistake there is
There is nothing left to cling to babe
There is nothing left to soil
I just don't want you no more
and that's the sweetest embrace of all
Ooohhh where did it begin
When all we did was lose
There's nothin' left to win
So lay your weapons down
they serve no purpose in your hands
And if you wanna hold me
then go ahead and hold me
I won't upset your plans
If it's revenge you want
then take it babe
Or you can walk right out the door
I just don't care anymore
And that's the sweetest embrace of all
Ooohhh where did it begin
When all we did was lose
There's nothin' left to win
It's over babe
And it really is a shame
We are losers you and me babe
In a rigged and crooked game
My desire for you is endless
And I love you most of all
I just don't want you no more
and that's the sweetest embrace of all
Barry Adamson and Nick Cave
Our time is done my love
We've laid it all to waste
One thousand moonlit kisses
can't sweeten this bitter taste
My desire for you is endless
and I'll love you 'till we fall
I just don't want you no more
and that's the sweetest embrace of all
To think we can find happiness
hidden in a kiss
Ah, to think we can find happiness
that's the greatest mistake there is
There is nothing left to cling to babe
There is nothing left to soil
I just don't want you no more
and that's the sweetest embrace of all
Ooohhh where did it begin
When all we did was lose
There's nothin' left to win
So lay your weapons down
they serve no purpose in your hands
And if you wanna hold me
then go ahead and hold me
I won't upset your plans
If it's revenge you want
then take it babe
Or you can walk right out the door
I just don't care anymore
And that's the sweetest embrace of all
Ooohhh where did it begin
When all we did was lose
There's nothin' left to win
It's over babe
And it really is a shame
We are losers you and me babe
In a rigged and crooked game
My desire for you is endless
And I love you most of all
I just don't want you no more
and that's the sweetest embrace of all
Monday, February 11, 2008
Saturday, February 09, 2008
eight to go
I do not think anymore that what is happening around me has any kind of sense, at all...I do not even think that what I say now has any sense...I just feel lost, no method to apply or to emprove, no smart thing to say, not distant enough to say:"I do not care", just like a butterfly floating in everybody´s stomach...rancid, sour and lonely...fsch fsch fsch...
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
A new bunch of albums I have been listening to lately...
Jose Gonzalez - Veneer
Jose Gonzalez - In Our Nature
Hot Chip - Made in the Dark
Miles Davis - Isle of Wight Concert
The Fugs - It Crawled Into My Hand, Honest
Abbey Lincoln - Wholly Earth
Madrugada - Madrugada (still)
Jose Gonzalez - In Our Nature
Hot Chip - Made in the Dark
Miles Davis - Isle of Wight Concert
The Fugs - It Crawled Into My Hand, Honest
Abbey Lincoln - Wholly Earth
Madrugada - Madrugada (still)
Late night aknowledgment
I have no idea about what I want, what I do not want, why and in which sense...
Monday, February 04, 2008
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